Jackie Gleason & Two Kinds of Anger

Why Are Men Angry in Love?

In Self and World Mr. Siegel writes: "The purpose of love is to feel closely at one with things as a whole." But if a man is angry at the world it will interfere with how he sees a particular woman. That is what occurred with Jackie Gleason, who was married three times.

His first marriage to dancer Genevieve Halford lasted 40 years, though they lived as man and wife for only a few. When they first met, Gleason was taken by Genevieve's soft, pretty appearance and her outward serenity—he was more jagged and rough. Jackie Gleason told friends he was seeing a "serious girl" and he pursued her vigorously. They were married in 1936 when he was twenty.

But Jackie Gleason did not want to think about who Genevieve Halford was. One writer says "He wanted a woman he could.enshrine." A woman you enshrine is not a real person—she is a possession you use to glorify yourself. From the outset the marriage was rocky. Genevieve Halford was angry with Jackie Gleason, too, because he was clearly more interested in his career than in her feelings or those of the two daughters they had.

Jackie Gleason said plainly that he felt like a failure as a husband and father. Speaking about his late-night partying and his frequent infidelity to his wife, he once wrote, "I have no legitimate argument for my conduct."

I feel so fortunate to be learning from Aesthetic Realism about love. Jackie Gleason and I are very different, but like him, when I didn't get my way with a woman I would get angry.

Once, when a woman I was interested in had some criticisms of me, I was furious. In an Aesthetic Realism class, the Class Chairman, Ellen Reiss, taught me what a woman wants most—good will. She said, "You felt a woman should go along with any plan you had. The large question is whether you had good will for the lady." I said, "I don't think I did," and she then asked, "So what right do you have to be angry?"

Miss Reiss asked as the discussion went on, "Have you thought about what it would mean to strengthen her?" I hadn't, and Miss Reiss said humorously, "He who doth not have a purpose he is proud of, ought not to complain. Do you think you need to see women better? "Yes," I said, and she asked, "Is that such a terrible thing?" No, it wasn't. I felt so encouraged when Miss Reiss said, "This is a local stop—go on to becoming a better person.

I am so happy to say that because of Miss Reiss' good will that is exactly what happened. She taught me the purpose men need to be proud in love: to want to know a woman, to think about how her life could be stronger. Learning this enabled me to fall in love with the woman who is now my wife of 12 years, Meryl Nietsch-Cooperman. I feel grateful and proud for the privilege it is to know Meryl, what she's hoping for in her life.

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