How Can a Man Be Rightly Sure of Himself?

A Man Learns How to Be Rightly Sure

Steve Kelson is a college student who lives in Manhattan. He has a sociable manner, but told us he felt unsure within, especially with women. In one consultation, he said he'd just come from a coffee shop and, as he put it:

Steve Kelson.  I was sitting there and at two tables there were very pretty women. And I was getting really tense. I didn't feel comfortable.

Consultants.  What do you think is the cause of this?

Steve Kelson.  I'm not sure about that. If they wouldn't have been so pretty I probably wouldn't have cared so much.

Consultants.  Do you think they have questions that are the same and different from your own?

Steve Kelson.  No, I didn't think that—I just thought they were pretty and they looked confident.

Consultants.  Could a person look at you and say, "he looks confident," and not know all the things that go on inside you?

Steve Kelson.  Yes.

Aesthetic Realism explains that for a man to be honestly sure of himself, he needs to have a good kind of unsureness, to question himself: Is my purpose to respect or have contempt? Consultations meet that hope in a man centrally, and it is a privilege to see the effect they have on a man's life.

In a class some years ago, at a time I was feeling very unsure in relation to a woman I was seeing, Ellen Reiss articulated questions I could ask myself as I thought about her: "Am I interested in this person in order to have her life stronger? What does that mean? As I think about her, do I feel deep and sweet and strong?"

It makes me very grateful to be able to learn more about that each day in my marriage to Meryl Nietsch-Cooperman. Knowing Meryl, how she meets the world and her perceptions about things, including me, makes me more myself, and I love her.

In the consultation I've been quoting, we told Mr. Kelson:

If you really want to know a person, and want her to be stronger, you will feel more at ease, more sure of yourself, and the reason is that you'll be trying to have good will.

Article Sections
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5