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What's the Big Mistake Men Make about Power?
The Kind Power Men Really Want
It is an honor to teach men in Aesthetic Realism consultations. In a consultation we encourage
a man to go for power that will have him like himself, asking questions such as:
- Are you trying to prove you're better than your
father—would you like yourself more if you wanted to know him?
- When are you tougher—being grateful to things or when
you're fighting them?
- Do you want to learn from your girlfriend, or show her you're the boss?
Jim Kaiser, a seven-year old boy, told us in his consultations that he was concerned because he was getting into fights with people. We asked, "So who's the person you fight with the most?":
Jim Kaiser. My sister, Emily. Sometimes I get on her nerves.
Consultants. Really—what do you do?
Jim Kaiser. I tease her. Let's say I'm going to a movie and she can't go because she has to do something. I tease her and
say "You can't go."
Consultants. So you give her a little needling. Why does that feel good?
Jim Kaiser. I don't know—cause you're hurting somebody's feelings?
Consultants. Do you think at that moment you are better than she is?
Jim Kaiser. Yeah.
Consultants. Is it true though? Are you really better?
Jim Kaiser. No.
Consultants. So why do people do it—because you're not the only one, right?
Jim Kaiser. Right...Because they're mean.
Consultants. But people don't wake up and say, "Hey—I'm going to be mean today!" It doesn't work that way. [chanting]
"Ha ha ha ha ha—I'm going to the movies—you're staying home—too bad for you-ou!" What happens when you say that to
someone—where do they go?
Jim Kaiser. Down.
Consultants. Where do you go?
Jim Kaiser. Up.
Consultants. That's right.
We explained that this is contempt, and while it may seem to make us feel powerful for a while, no person can respect himself on that
basis.
Consultants. One of the things Aesthetic Realism taught all of us and can teach you is how to really feel good about yourself
in a way that stays. Is it strong to fight with people and push them around? Or is it stronger to learn how to know a person and be fair
to them?
Jim Kaiser. It's strong to learn to know them.
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