Pocahontas & What's More Important: To Appreciate Rightly or Be Praised?

Love Must Be for the Purpose of Knowing

A woman wants very much to care for a man, but doesn't know she also wants "a person who will adore [her] above everything." At the time Bennett and I were making our wedding plans, though I had changed very much, I was making a classic mistake about appreciation many brides-to-be make. I took his proposal of marriage to mean that I should now be the center of attention.

As the weeks went on even though I had outwardly scorned big weddings as excessive and vulgar, inwardly I had ambitions to be "queen for a day," and was getting all wrapped up in what kind of dress to wear, what kind of flowers. I even went so far as to put my own money down on an engagement ring that Bennett had actually picked out for me—and while I was there—I picked out the wedding band as well, telling myself that I was sure he would like it.

When I spoke about this in an Aesthetic Realism class, Ellen Reiss asked me very kindly: "Are you being sensible as you contemplate marriage?

Meryl Nietsch.   No, I am not...I've had a hard time making up my mind about things—the ring, the place.

Ellen Reiss.   Are you looking for some glory?

Meryl Nietsch.   Yes, I think so. I have wanted to be made much of.

And then Miss Reiss asked me humorously and so importantly:

Ellen Reiss. Do you think you see Bennett Cooperman as central to this marriage?

Miss Reiss then asked this beautiful question the basis of which I feel should be part of every wedding ceremony: "Do you feel you want to spend the rest of your life understanding Mr. Cooperman?" She continued:

Ellen Reiss. Do you think marriage is to care for the whole world more? Here is Bennett Cooperman—I didn't know him 25 years ago, but I see him as a representative of the world. "Through you, Bennett Cooperman, I intend to care more for everything." Is that the purpose you should have?

I said, "Yes!" And she asked me this critical question: "Do you think you are giving such a tribute to a person in marrying that you want to get glory for yourself?" "Yes," I said. "I think that's true." "Weddings would be seen differently," Miss Reiss said, "if people felt there was glory in caring for another person."

I have seen every month since that there is glory in caring for another person. Through knowing my husband, I care for the whole world more, am kinder to people, my mind is larger, and I am more ambitious to be fair to things.

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