Our Greatest Need: What Is It?

Can We Be Proud to Need Someone?

In "Mind and Emptiness" Mr. Siegel said:

We have to see that the needing of something is freedom. While we are trying to say to things, "Reach me," we are also trying to wipe them away. The process of wiping away—which can take the form of forgetfulness, lack of interest, and so on—is the thing that has to be understood.

And he continues:

[T]he needing of a friend, the needing of company, the need to know what another person is, are signs of emancipation, not signs of bondage.

These sentences describe a huge mistake women have made as to love and I made it—feeling that if we need another person we are not free.

As I was coming to know Aesthetic Realism consultant and actor, Bennett Cooperman, I was very affected by the depth of his thought and kindness to people, including me. I felt I was too managing and speedy and aloof with people, and his thoughtfulness had a good effect on me. When I saw the combination of tenderness and strength in Bennett and his humorous straight criticism of me, I felt I needed him. I looked forward to talking with him every day.

But more than I knew, I also had the feeling: Meryl Nietsch can take care of herself; and I used what I saw as my physical strength to feel I didn't need a man because I was self-sufficient. At the time Bennett and I decided to move in together, I didn't understand why I suddenly felt very intensely against some of the suggestions he made about the apartment. I got my back up when he suggested moving a wall where the refrigerator was. I felt there was something wrong with my intensity, and spoke about it in an Aesthetic Realism class. Miss Reiss so kindly asked me:

Do you think you are bending over backwards having Bennett Cooperman more in your life?

Meryl Nietsch.   Yes.

Ellen Reiss.   Do you think you want, on the one hand for Bennett Cooperman to be with you, but on the other hand, a woman can feel if she lets a man into her life, she's no longer the person she was. "The Meryl Nietsch that was will be no more!" The great question is, if a person means more to us, are we more or less?

The answer is, we are more! I am grateful for what I have learned and continue to learn about this question. Bennett and I were married in October of 1995. As a woman who spent so much of my time feeling superior and being competitive with men, it means so much to me that I love a man and with every week I am more and more proud to need him—his perceptions about the world and people, his ability as an actor, his intellect and his important work as a consultant.

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