Introduction

To give expression to the deepest meaning and purpose of the Jewish marriage, a traditional Jewish wedding is full of meaningful rituals, which symbolize the beauty of the relationship of husband and wife, as well as their obligations to each other and to their people. The following is intended to explain and interpret these traditions in the hope that you will participate in the joy of our Simcha with fuller understanding.

Background

Originally, a Jewish marriage was enacted in two stages: Kiddushin (betrothal) and Nisu'in (marriage). Through the Talmudic period, these two stages, each with its own ceremony, were generally held one year apart; by the Middle Ages, they had been combined, as they are today.

In Jewish tradition, a marriage is termed Kiddushin, which connotes that the husband and wife are sanctified to one another and enjoy an exclusive relationship. This relationship also has legal ramifications. The woman accepts a ring (or some other token) from the man, and thereby accepts the terms of the marriage. A Ketubah (marriage contract, which will be explained more fully below) is read during the ceremony.

A wedding may take place in a synagogue, in a home, or outside. There is a tradition of celebrating a wedding outside under the stars, which serve as a reminder of G-d's promise to Abraham that his progeny would be as numerous as 'the stars of heaven.'

Prior to the Wedding

Before the marriage, the bride immerses herself in a Mikvah (ritual pool). Immersion in the Mikvah symbolizes spiritual rebirth (just as the creation of the world is from water and the creation of a newborn baby is in water). The Mikvah represents purity and ritual cleanliness.

The Wedding Day

The Kallah (Bride) and Chatan (Groom) do not see one another on the day of the wedding prior to the ceremony. They fast on this day, by custom, from dawn until the Chuppah (marriage canopy) is completed. Fasting before the wedding means forgiveness for all deeds, starting life afresh, like Yom Kippur (Day Of Atonement). In the Mincha (Afternoon) service on the day of the wedding, the Chatan says the Amida of Erev (Eve) Yom Kippur.

The dawning of the wedding day surely heralds the very happiest and holiest day of ones life! The Chatan wears a Kittel, the traditional Yom Kippur garment. The Kallah and Chatan wear no jewelry under the Chuppah. Their mutual commitment to one another is based upon who they are as people and not on their respective material possessions.

Badeken

One of the most important preparations for the wedding ceremony is the veiling of the bride. The veil symbolizes the idea of modesty, and conveys the lesson that however physical appearances may be, the soul and character are paramount. In accordance with this idea of modesty, ladies do not wear sleeveless or décolleté attire.

The Badeken ceremony is carried out immediately prior to the processional entrance of the bridal party, or before the Kallah and Chatan enter the Chuppah. The Chatan lifts the veil of his bride-to-be to 'check' to be sure this is the woman he intends to marry, and then replaces her veil, reciting the blessing 'Our sister, may you be the mother of thousands of ten thousands' (Genesis 24:60), words first uttered by Rebecca's mother and brother to her as she left her home to marry Isaac. This is an ancient custom and serves as the first of many actions by which the groom signals his commitment to clothe and protect his wife and is reminiscent of Rebecca covering her face before marrying Isaac (Genesis 24:66).

Ketubah (Marriage Document) Signing

Immediately prior to the Chuppah ceremony, the Chatan and two Jewish witnesses (see below), sign the Ketubah. Traditionally, a Ketubah is a legal lien on the husband's property, which he gives his wife-to-be in the case of his death or their divorce, to ensure her maintenance and well being. A traditional Ketubah is written in Aramaic.

Before the marriage, the Chatan must accept upon himself certain responsibilities for the maintenance of his Kallah. These are spelt out in the Ketubah. His principle obligations are to provide food, clothing and shelter for his wife and to be attentive to her needs. The protection of the rights of a Jewish wife is so important that the marriage may not be solemnized until the contract has been completed. The traditional Ketubah is signed by the man, read under the Chuppah, and given immediately thereafter to the woman; it belongs to her.

Edim (Witnesses)

Two Jewish witnesses sign the Ketubah, neither of whom are related to either the Kallah or Chatan and who must be Shomrei Shabbos (Halachicaly Observant). This is the most important part of the ceremony. The witnesses represent the entirety of Jewish history and their presence is actually more important than that of the Rabbi and Chazan.

Chuppah

The wedding ceremony takes place under the Chuppah (canopy) as a symbol of the home to be built and shared by the couple, it is open on all sides to welcome friends and relatives to unconditional hospitality. The Chuppah should be a temporary, hand-made structure and may be made from a Tallit or any piece of decorated fabric. The Chuppah may be held up by poles, which are held by friends during the ceremony or it may be free-standing. It is a special honor to be asked to hold a Chuppah pole.

The Chatan arrives at the Chuppah first and there greets his Kallah. When the Kallah reaches the Chuppah, she circles around Chatan seven times. Just as the world was created in seven days, the Kallah is figuratively building the walls of the couple's new home. The number seven also symbolizes the wholeness and completeness, which they cannot attain separately. The Kallah now stands at her Chatan's right hand side.

Betrothal Blessings (Kiddushin)

"Wine gladdens the heart of man [and woman]" - Psalms 104:15

Two cups of wine are used in the wedding ceremony. The first cup accompanies the blessing over wine and the second blessing is the actual blessing of Betrothal. After these are recited, the Kallah and Chatan drink from the cup. Wine, a symbol of joy in a Jewish tradition, is associated with the Kiddush, the sanctification prayer recited on Shabbat and Festivals. Marriage (Kiddushin) is the sanctification of a man and woman to each other and the blessings over the wine are appropriate.

The Ring

The wedding band should be made of simple precious metal (gold or platinum) without any blemishes, stones, designs, or ornamentation, so too it is hoped the marriage will be one of simple beauty. The Chatan now takes the wedding ring in his hand, and in clear view of two witnesses, declares to his wife 'Behold, you are betrothed unto me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel' and places the ring on the forefinger of his bride's right hand. Although they are 'married' at this point, they are not permitted to live together as man and wife, for the second and concluding part of the ceremony, the 'Sheva Brachot' has yet to be recited.

Ketubah (Marriage Document) Reading

The reading of the Ketubah in the original Hebrew/Aramaic text follows. This reading acts as a break between the first part of the ceremony, the Kiddushin and the latter part, the Nissuin.

The Seven Blessings of Marriage (Nissuin)

'Sheva Brachot' blessings (seven wedding benedictions), about the joys of marriage, are recited over the second cup of wine, and link the Kallah and Chatan to our faith in G-d as the creator of man, the Author of joy and love, and the ultimate Redeemer of our people.

The first is the blessing over wine and the sixth is a reminder of Adam and Eve, who had a splendid opportunity for a great life together. The rest are about the Simcha we are participating in, a celebration of a new creation, our home, like the creation of the world itself. We invoke His Blessings upon the newly-weds, and all pray that the Kallan and Chatan have better good fortune than Adam and Eve. At the conclusion of these seven blessing the Kallah and Chatan drink the second cup of wine.

Breaking of the Glass

"If I forget you, O Jerusalem let my right hand forget its cunning" - Psalms 137:5

A glass is placed before the Chatan, which he shatters by stepping upon it. This act serves as an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and identifies with the spiritual and national destiny of the Jewish people. A Jew even at the moment of his or her own greatest possible personal and religious rejoicing, is always mindful of the Psalmist's injunction to 'set Jerusalem above my chiefest joy.' It also serves as a reminder that even when celebrating with great merriment and joy this must be conducted within that which Jewish law deems appropriate and respectable.

Breaking of the glass marks the conclusion of the ceremony. The Kallah and Chatan are given the final priestly blessing by the Rabbi after which they leave the Chuppah together.

Yichud

Immediately following the Chuppah ceremony, it is traditional for the couple to enjoy some time together alone. This is called Yichud (seclusion), which signifies the newly acquired right of the couple to live together as husband and wife. A private room is set aside for the couple for at least ten or fifteen minutes, with some food for them to break their fast. Yichud has been described as a period of 'bonding.' It is an island of privacy and peace before the public celebration begins. After Yichud the bride and groom are announced for the first time as husband and wife.

Reception

A reception follows Yichud with guest celebrating with the new couple. The mitzvah (commandment) is to bring joy to the Kallah and Chatan. There is much Simcha, music and dancing, all are considered a religious obligation. The first meal enjoyed by the couple together, along with their family and friends, is called Se'udat Mitzvah (a meal in fulfillment of a commandment) and serves to permit the community to entertain the bride and groom and make them happy. On a religious level, each couple is another first couple (Adam and Eve) and hence the community assembled is celebrating not only this wedding, but also the primordial wedding of the first couple. The bride is a queen on this day; the groom is a king. The community waits on them, feeds them, and rejoices with them.

After the Se'udat Mitzvah (festive meal), Birkat HaMazon (grace after meals) is recited and the Sheva Brachot are repeated.

We invite all guests to have a wonderful time and by doing so, increase the pleasure of the Kallah and Chatan. We would like to thank you all for sharing this joyous occasion with us.

In some communities, the couple is wined-and-dined for a the week following their wedding, invited to a different home each night at which the Sheva Brachot are recited and their wedding is celebrated. We will be taking invitations after the honeymoon ;-).

Marianna & Tony